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So here we have it: my Alexander Technique teacher training journal/blog. I wish I could say that I am feeling good in my skin…bien dans ma peau…but that is not quite happening yet.

Well you know…I had forgotten all about the fatigue factor of starting to train. My body feels slammed. I am so, so tired. I just didn’t want to get out of bed one morning to go to work. On the days when I have to get up I am sleeping soundly and am woken up by the alarm. On the days when I can sleep in for awhile…well…I wake up too early. Go figure. It’s a catch-22 situation. So tragic! One day, on a day I could have slept in, Doucette the cat started whimpering for food at 6h in the morning, as she knew that I was awake. I got up and fed her and then crawled back into bed and stayed there for another two hours. Not to sleep…just to mull things over…

At least I’m not totally sore this time around from getting into monkey over and over. I do not feel like I’ve been doing heavy weights for the first time ever on leg press at the gym. That’s good! Maybe because I am pushing lots of weight on leg press at physical therapy? Plus doing all the other leg exercises? Maybe my legs are strongish these days???

I had forgotten all about the emotional turmoil that accompanies training. OMG…I’m all over the place! Where is my equanimity? Hmmm not here now. What shall I do? Well…I cannot hop a plane to Paris at the moment so let’s see… shall I laugh like crazy with my fabulous and zany and gifted co-workers? Play lots of Bach? Eat pizza? Yeah…carbs! Go shopping? Have a glass of vin rouge? Do my Alexander Technique lie downs…my constructive rests? I guess all of the above.

Winter scene chez TCAT-NYC...

Winter scene chez TCAT-NYC…

Sigh…I find that I am mentally fighting going downtown to class. I am having internal battles. I don’t want to trek down on the subway during my low energy moment of the day. Especially now in the freezing, snowy, icy, slippery, messy cold. I have to wear 50 million layers of clothes. Blech. I fight what I need to do. I would rather hibernate. But then, once I am there and ensconced in the training, well, I revel in it. It feels wonderful. I feel wonderful. I feel myself being transformed. Go figure. Okay…so I’m confused. Oh well…I need to chill, right? And maybe go shopping for a new  pair of snow boots!

4 Responses to “I had forgotten…”

  1. Don Higdon

    When you’re not there, remember how good you feel while you’re there, and accept the trip as part of the process. This is a time for you to practice inhibition in real life. When the black mood hits, (1) make a conscious choice not to react at all, providing a moment in which to allow a reasonable thought to interrupt your current response pattern; (2) consciously stop and allow your neck to be free.
    There was a great article on emotions in the ATI journal on the fact that emotions are biochemical imperatives, triggered by the release of neuropeptides in response to stimuli. However, when we chronically misuse ourselves, we can cause excess accumulation of these neuropeptides. In training, as we return to “natural” instead of normal, the body can start releasing surplus neuropeptides on it own, without stimulus. This is how you can have deep emotions hit out out of the blue, with no apparent reason. This passes. You’re going to be OK.

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