In this training hiatus I went down to have a lesson with my trainer. I have been so wiped out…jetlagged out…that I was experiencing a kind of vertigo when walking in the street…I’ve been feeling very fragile. The studio looked strange…everything in NYC looks a bit strange right now…but happy to report that being there did feel like being chez moi…
The lesson was the usual: chair table chair. Nothing more. That’s all I wanted and needed. I didn’t even ask how I was doing…if I had regressed in any way.
I told my trainer that I couldn’t get the notion out of my head that while I’m in this three year Alexander Technique teacher training I’m feeling like my life is on hold. Spending the time in training…the fourteen hours a week in class, plus the time spent doing all the reading…cuts into my schedule big time. My social life is definitely reduced. I have another two years of such a schedule. Time, energy, funds spent… I have to scramble to fit in everything important to me.
My trainer told me that he sees the situation in a different light. He said to me “this is your life now.” He said that no way is my life on hold. Wow! What a notion! Indeed…this is my life now! My trainer’s words are having a spectacular effect on how I am now viewing this moment in my life. I think he provided me with a kind of validation that the noise in my brain was obscuring.
I guess it’s all about finding the perfect balance. And for welcoming and embracing everything…especially this time spent in the training. And for living each moment of my life as fully as possible. Everything in present tense.
I realized when I left that my strange vertigo had mostly disappeared.
The time I spent in A.T. teacher-training class (starting in 1979) was the harbinger of an amazingly creative era in my life. I had to make sacrifices to devote so much of my time to training class (and paying for it!) So, everything I did was in a state of a buzzing along at maximum efficiency; almost every moment of my time taking care of my needs to meet my aspirations were already committed, down to intentionally providing unplanned time for myself to socialize. It was very much like having had a child and now the kid is taking up every single extra minute you ever thought that you had. (Rather than giving up having my own business or moving closer to school, I solved some of my time problems by adopting an experimental sleeping schedule of two and three hours of sleep, spaced twelve hours apart.)
But the ability to direct my time expanded. I had never done that to such an extent before. Also, I learned that my creative ability was going to squeeze itself out of me no matter what I did to focus my attention elsewhere. (…A very humbling experience it was, I could NOT put my creativity on hold.)
Rena Anya Devéza
Such validating input Franis! Thank you so much!